I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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