I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
