Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
