The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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