she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize