I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
