you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize