my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
