Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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