you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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