Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
