I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
