I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she smelled like a LAN party
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
