if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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