In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my shit smells like andre
no you cant smoke seaweed
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
