Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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