apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
