She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize