so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize