When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This house was built for laser tag.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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