I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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