addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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