just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
