you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
