you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
