Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
