dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
