I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
