I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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