yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
