I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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