I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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