i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
