he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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