Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
