You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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