i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize