ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i drank out of a bidet.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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