its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
