You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
