Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I am one with the molecules
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
