so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You did what with his pubic hair?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize