I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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