Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
