Dude my mom stole all your condoms
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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