i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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