So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
