My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
