she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I need to calm my uterus...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
