conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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