There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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