You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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