Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
