Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
