Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize