I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
