God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
