lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
