A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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