We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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