I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize