You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
