You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
