Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
