Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
