Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
