She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
