Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
