There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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